Its that time of the day again. A freshly blessed diaper awaits The Mommy Woman to come over and do the honors. As she goes about doing the needful, she asks the help to stand guard as a preemptive measure against a possible attack from The Fingers That Squish. As she cleans, she glimpses a swift movement from the corner of her eye and looks up in alarm. Too late she realizes that the curse of The Fingers That Squish has struck again!! The help, busy examining a particularly fascinating spot on the wall examines her nails and yawns.
"Oh shit!" says the Mommy Woman in despair. And then as The Fingers strike again, "Oh F***!"
"Sheet!" squeals the child with unconcealed delight "F***!!!"
"Gaaahhh!" gasps The Mommy Woman in dismay."Nooooo!!! No, No, No, No! Nikki, sweetheart, please don't say that. You can say 'Oh No!' instead. Ok? Oh No, Oh No, Oh Nooooo!!!"
The child looks at The Mommy Woman with a diabolic smile. There is a definitive gleam in her eye.
"Sheet!" she trills again displaying a brilliant grasp of previously unheard of words "F****!".
The Mommy Woman collapses on the floor in a dead faint.
******************
A few hours later, the battle weary Mommy Woman is enjoying some solitude and her afternoon cuppa. The doorbell chimes announcing the arrival of The Grandparents. Nikki falls on them with squeals of delight and they reciprocate with equally high pitched squeals. The Grandfather in particular is eager to spend some quality time with his beloved granddaughter, having been out for a few weeks on a work related trip.
"Oh how she has grown!" he exclaims fondly "So what is she up to these days? Has she learned anything new?"
"Yes!" says the help who likes to display her marked lack of common sense at the most opportune moments. "Didi taught her some new words today and she has been repeating them all day! She picks up words so fast you know!"
The Grandparents beam with pride. "What are the new words Nikki?"
A strangled cry emanates from the corner as The Mommy Woman's cuppa makes contact with the floor. She tries to speak but can only manage a few squeaks and gasps. The child looks at The Mommy Woman. She has that familiar gleam in her eye.
"Sheet" she says crisply to the part eagerly awaiting, part horror struck audience "F***". Dramatic pause. "Sheet! F***! Sheet F*** Sheet F*** Sheeeeet F********!!"
The Grandparents stop beaming. They exchange looks. The Mommy Woman sighs and looks down at her cuppa wishing it had something more potent in it.
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And on that happy note, here's wishing everyone a very happy festive season! We seem to have kicked it off in our very own Nikki- Speshul style, and I'm going to need the rest of the evening to recover. Today isn't a dry day is it?
16 comments:
love it! I know this is going to happen to me...
Oh dear, I hope not, Nikki has just greeted some neighbors who came over to wish us happy Dusshera with her new, expanded vocab. Time to wash out my mouth with soap!
LOL!! Mommy woman, methinks you are my long lost twin from the mela I never went too! So I hope you'll understand that for the reasons outlined in your last post, this comment is to be dittoed for same.
Ohhhhh Ohhhh my gosh! I am laughing like crazy reading this post. You poor woman...come lemme give you a virtual hug! It is quite funny but I'm sure I won't be happy if it happens to me too. These kids na...they are like sponges at this age! Scary how much they pick up!
LOL oh gosh Nikki is a rock star! Reminds me of Calvin :)
MRC...Hey I didn't go for that mela either, methinks we should plan a trip together, what?
Divs...I know ya it can really be quite scary! Sure am watching what I say now!
Vandana...Calvin with horns on his head!
Hahahahaha! Nikki sure is a smart one :D knows how to pick up the right words! ;)
Hey,
SUch things happen at times, and am sure now you must be regretting why u even say it, but it happens.
But I guess when she is in a good moood,maybe tell her that what u said was not okay and that its a bad word and you should not use it and u are sorry. Tell her that she should not use it too. and then when she is at home and saying it, try to ignore it, cos the more u react to it, she will know that she isn't supposed to say it. And if this does not help, and if she says it again, then tell her that she has to go to the bathroom to wash her mouth with soap, as it was A BAD WORD! Sometimes some children don't like the thought of soap and so stop saying it..try it..hopefully she has forgotten it :)
Err I hope I cn LOL @ this one ;)
God! She is unbelievable and ur help, all the more so ;)
been there, done that, got the teeshirt. my tuppence? ignore. every time i tell them not to say something in front of granpa, they make it a point to say it.
gah
Sherry...She knows how to pick up words all right :(
Sonia..It IS you right? :)Thanks for the advice, will try it out. Knowing the child however, she will just jump at the mention of soap and water- the girl is OBSESSED with washing her hands with soap and water and keeps getting into scraps just so her hands get washed!
Swaram...Ah yes, I need help with this particular help!
MM...Hi there, yeah I'm going to get that teeshirt soon too, along with the monkey cap, snowsuit and gumboots. And they seem to have some inbuilt sensor- it is always, always in front of the grandparents :(
LOL!
OMG! Thats Hilarious!! We've to be sooo careful now. I do use the S and F words sometimes, but thankfully Ash hasn't picked them up as yet. But now I will stop after listening to your story :)
Must have been so embarrassing for you :)
Uh-OH, looks like my comment has disappeared :(
A very funny episode, must have been embarrassing for you, but its still SO FUNNY! :)
I try not to use the S and F words around Ash but they do slip out sometimes. After reading your story, I'm going to be extra careful :)
I made that mistake in front of my 3 year old niece and the next instant, thought I was going to die of shame and guilt. Thankfully, she didn't insist on repeating it. :tongue-hanging-out-in-relief:
Rohini...I wish the grandparents thought so too! Unfortunately they fail to see the lighter side in these things :(
Priyanka...Hey got both your comments. I know,we really need to be super careful around these kids now, especially since they seem to be extra smart in picking up all the wrong words!
Just Another Blogger...Whew that was a lucky break! The child here doesn't afford me any such luxuries though!
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