Weaning The Mommy Woman

Nikki has finally decided that Enough is Enough and has pulled the plug on our once a day nursing sessions. Any attempts at feeding are firmly rebuffed with much shoving, pushing and screaming blue murder and if all else fails a few sharp nips are deftly administered to end this preposterous attempt at curtailing her budding independence.
I suppose I should be happy. No more scheduling my life around three or four hourly feeds. Well actually in the last three months it was just the one feed, so no more scheduling my life around the all important morning feed. No more carefully monitored morning alarms or missed gym sessions or jogs so that the child and heiress will not go hungry. No more long drawn out nursing sessions at the fag end of the day when I'm dog tired and desperate to have a hot shower or curl up with a book or just crash. No more hideous nursing tops that have the mind boggling ability to make one look like the bag lady in drag on a bad day. No more sitting in a darkened room at a party sniffing wistfully at the occasional whiffs of something delectable and listening to people make merry as I wait for the afore-mentioned child and heiress to finished her own long drawn out supper. No more feeling stressed out when I travel or even when I'm just out and about that my services may be called upon at a particularly awkward moment. No more severe panic attacks when I'm out alone about being wanted, NOW back home because the c & h refuses to eat or for that matter drink anything and  only I can offer succor. No more frantic pounding on the bathroom door with accompanying cries to come out RIGHT NOW as the c & h obligingly wails in the background. No more thinking twice before downing that glass of wine, or that plate of sushi or even those nasty antibiotics which will give instant relief.


Yes, I suppose I should be happy.


Then why is it that all I feel instead is an empty, hollow ache? Why can I think of nothing else but the days of exclusive breastfeeding? Or the early days of Nikki's birth, when it would just be me and her, connected in the most special way possible as our lives pretty much revolved around each other. Those silvery early mornings and mellow late afternoons as I gazed adoringly at my precious little Nikki as she suckled blissfully, oblivious to the cares of the world, content to just be with me. When I could watch her for hours at end holding snugly onto the thought that she was still just a little baby, that she still needed me. When my baby would seek me out in a room full of people and reach out for me and be comforted by the mere sight of me. When just my presence or my touch was enough to soothe. When no one but me could placate her.
I guess she still does some of those things, but I am no longer indispensable. Anyone can dish out the khichdi or the porridge or the dish of choice and feed her now. Sigh. Why didn't anyone tell me this mommyhood thing was going to be so difficult?

Bring on the munchies!

My little poppet completed six months last week and we decided to celebrate by feeding her that much awaited (by me!) first spoonful of solids. Opening night was slotted for Friday evening after P was done with work and we'd gotten a brand new weaning bowl n spoon set for the grand occasion. The cuisine of choice was rice cereal and the star of the show herself was all decked up in a brand new romper from Westside. Ok so maybe I overdid it a little but I was super excited at the prospect of reclaiming some part of my fast fading from memory old life back, by getting Nikki started on solids. I could barely contain my excitement all day as I impatiently waited for P to get back from work. P's younger brother who was visiting for a few days was officiating as the cameraman and obliged me by taking several pictures of Nikki, the weaning bowl and spoon, the new bib, the preparation of the rice cereal and end result thereof etc. I don't think he's going to be visiting us again in a hurry.
P finally walked through the door and we commenced with the grand ceremony. After watching me mash, re-mash and stir the rice cereal some more, then test it several times on the inner side of my wrist to check for the right temperature for about twenty minutes, P grabbed the bowl from my hands and offered the first spoonful of now pulverized cereal to Nikki. She sniffed at it discerningly, turned away her face and stuck out her tongue with a disgusted look. I felt my heart sink all the way through my feet and into basement parking level no. 2. It wasn't supposed to go like this! She was supposed to take a little taste, like the damn thing and then willingly gobble up the rest! I mean she'd been showing ALL the signs of being ready for solids for weeks now, even attempting to devour my ear/ cheek/ hand or whatever was closest when particularly hungry. Also being a great believer in divine justice I had sincerely hoped that she would compensate for her lack in the sleep department by being more than eager in the food arena. But it was not to be! I was all set to throw in the towel along with the cereal and call it a day when I realized P was far from calling it quits. He had, on the contrary, commenced his special brand of daddy biz and was entertaining Nikki with an alluring mix of funny faces, weird sounds and sing song voice all rolled into one. This distracted her enough for him to shovel a few bits of cereal into her mouth and very soon she was lapping it up! Hurray! This period of bliss lasted for precisely 2.7 minutes post which Nikki went back to her sniff-look away- "what is this disgusting goop?!" behavior but we were thrilled nonetheless. We had made a start! We celebrated by stuffing our own faces with some yummy dal makhani and making the brother in law upload the video of Nikki making her debut into semi solid land on YouTube for the aodring grand parents. Did I mention he may not be visiting again in a hurry?
Now that we've begun the journey I'm looking forward to conjuring up all sorts of culinary delights for lil Nikks. Well maybe applesauce and pureed peas don't exactly qualify for any top chef honors but we gotta start somewhere right?